1

by this time tomorrow, i'll be married and walking down the pathway to the pelaminan. i would have gone through the vows 4 hours beforehand.

you know, i wouldn't feel so anxious if everyone hadn't reminded me countless times this past week: "are you nervous? so-and-so days/hours to go!" it's as if they're counting down for me. thank you :) but you're not helping! everytime i pray, i pray for our health, and for calmness in our hearts, so that we can sleep well tonight! Dear GOD, please fulfill this wish! so we can be fresh and fit for our big day tomorrow.

7 days ago - gathering with family in bogor, turned out to me a family "meeting" discussing the run-down of events. received the beautiful kebaya i will wear tomorrow. i'm still amazed at the bead-work.

6 - still in bogor, spending quality time with ibu-ayah, and rahma. doing crafts, storytelling to her afternoon nap.

5 - technical meeting at the roemah 7a. ayah got sick. rained hard. had to add more tents for tomorrow, anticipating rain. oh i hope it doesn't rain. but i do hope it's not going to be scorching hot either.

4 - spend the day with kakak. cleaned our room, rearranged furniture. went home and slept like a log from 4pm til 2.30am. scrubbing dusty furniture and going up and down the stairs could definitely drain you.

3 - spend most of the day at daan mogot. yup. getting our license done, so in 5 years we'll have to remind each other to renew our licenses. and perhaps renew our vows :)

2 - spend the whole day with kaknisa. started of with egg mcmuffin and coffee. manicure-pedicure, waxing, toning (hair). the shoulder massage was heaven! just what i needed to revive! went to future home to receive new fridge from kaknisa (thank youuuu!!) and new ac.

1 - massage & scrub with shinta. adis joined for lunch. it's just what i needed, some quality time with the girls. it was probably the best way to spend my last day of being single, my mind on other things rather than being anxious for tomorrow.

so.. we'll just see how tomorrow goes :)

gotta pack now! wrap a gift, make notes for my MC friend, eat dinner, double-check on stuff needed for tomorrow. and that's it!

oh but now, and gotta call ibu-ayah :)

3

why do i feel so... normal?

in 3 days i will make a vow that will change my life forever. is that a normal thing to do?

is this what i'm supposed to feel? i've always wondered in the past, about this moment. and now that it's here, it's kind of surreal, cos this is just the way it is. no big drama nor breakdown (i sure hope not!).

i've been so busy this past month that i haven't really had time to digest what's really happening. i feel really bad when i don't put on a smile on my face, when my family has so many inputs as how the ceremony should go. i mean, i know they mean well. all they want is what's best for us and our day. all i want is a simple, joyous wedding. sometimes the simplest things become so complicated when many heads are around the table. i know that these things happen, afterall, that's what families are for. but it's actually not that bad, after all, that's how they are, loud and opiniated, how they should be! in the end, our families are very, VERY supportive. i wish i could (in my lifeteime) show them what their love means to me.

the nerve-wracking thing about what's gonna happen in 3 days is, that he and i will be the center of attention. uhm. i'm not sure i'm ready for that. i'm ready for marriage but i'm not ready to be the center of attention? that's quite funny.

the thing that's been weirding me out is that family have been talking to me about sex, contraceptives, how i should rest up, stretch to get flexible, and be healthy and strong for my honeymoon. uhm. oh-kay. so wasn't ready for that.

wish i could pause time for just one day. to digest. to feel. to record and recollect. to.. pause. but i can't. life goes on. time flies by. even my mom is getting nervous about "letting me go" in 3 days. and she hardly gets nervous! that's quite nice actually :)

i hope all goes well, all are healthy (especially my dad, please let him recover whatever his current health problems), and all have a good time.

whatever happens, happens. and i surely know what's happpening right now is wonderful!

pray for us and wish us luck!

10

i'm a bit baffled, yet amused. and overwhelmed, by work, wedding plans, expenditures, errands, as well as all the love, help and support everyone has given us. let's just try to enjoy this moment, however nerve-wracking it gets. afterall, it's a once in a lifetime experience *crossing fingers*.

in the meantime, i'll try to breathe and step back, and imagine that 2 weeks from now we'll be sipping afternoon tea (coffee for him) on the charming teba house terrace in ubud.

about making up.

and i will still love you with all that i have.

and i will still love you with all that you don't have.

if i die today...

If I die today would there be anything you wish you had said to me? (via postsecret)

thank you for accepting who i am, for loving me as i love you as much.

jitters?

you know, i'm not nervous about the wedding, marriage, my choice or my decision. i'm more anxious about the change i will be facing, since i have lived in my comfort zone for a bil too long. but... that's completely normal. right?