1

by this time tomorrow, i'll be married and walking down the pathway to the pelaminan. i would have gone through the vows 4 hours beforehand.

you know, i wouldn't feel so anxious if everyone hadn't reminded me countless times this past week: "are you nervous? so-and-so days/hours to go!" it's as if they're counting down for me. thank you :) but you're not helping! everytime i pray, i pray for our health, and for calmness in our hearts, so that we can sleep well tonight! Dear GOD, please fulfill this wish! so we can be fresh and fit for our big day tomorrow.

7 days ago - gathering with family in bogor, turned out to me a family "meeting" discussing the run-down of events. received the beautiful kebaya i will wear tomorrow. i'm still amazed at the bead-work.

6 - still in bogor, spending quality time with ibu-ayah, and rahma. doing crafts, storytelling to her afternoon nap.

5 - technical meeting at the roemah 7a. ayah got sick. rained hard. had to add more tents for tomorrow, anticipating rain. oh i hope it doesn't rain. but i do hope it's not going to be scorching hot either.

4 - spend the day with kakak. cleaned our room, rearranged furniture. went home and slept like a log from 4pm til 2.30am. scrubbing dusty furniture and going up and down the stairs could definitely drain you.

3 - spend most of the day at daan mogot. yup. getting our license done, so in 5 years we'll have to remind each other to renew our licenses. and perhaps renew our vows :)

2 - spend the whole day with kaknisa. started of with egg mcmuffin and coffee. manicure-pedicure, waxing, toning (hair). the shoulder massage was heaven! just what i needed to revive! went to future home to receive new fridge from kaknisa (thank youuuu!!) and new ac.

1 - massage & scrub with shinta. adis joined for lunch. it's just what i needed, some quality time with the girls. it was probably the best way to spend my last day of being single, my mind on other things rather than being anxious for tomorrow.

so.. we'll just see how tomorrow goes :)

gotta pack now! wrap a gift, make notes for my MC friend, eat dinner, double-check on stuff needed for tomorrow. and that's it!

oh but now, and gotta call ibu-ayah :)

3

why do i feel so... normal?

in 3 days i will make a vow that will change my life forever. is that a normal thing to do?

is this what i'm supposed to feel? i've always wondered in the past, about this moment. and now that it's here, it's kind of surreal, cos this is just the way it is. no big drama nor breakdown (i sure hope not!).

i've been so busy this past month that i haven't really had time to digest what's really happening. i feel really bad when i don't put on a smile on my face, when my family has so many inputs as how the ceremony should go. i mean, i know they mean well. all they want is what's best for us and our day. all i want is a simple, joyous wedding. sometimes the simplest things become so complicated when many heads are around the table. i know that these things happen, afterall, that's what families are for. but it's actually not that bad, after all, that's how they are, loud and opiniated, how they should be! in the end, our families are very, VERY supportive. i wish i could (in my lifeteime) show them what their love means to me.

the nerve-wracking thing about what's gonna happen in 3 days is, that he and i will be the center of attention. uhm. i'm not sure i'm ready for that. i'm ready for marriage but i'm not ready to be the center of attention? that's quite funny.

the thing that's been weirding me out is that family have been talking to me about sex, contraceptives, how i should rest up, stretch to get flexible, and be healthy and strong for my honeymoon. uhm. oh-kay. so wasn't ready for that.

wish i could pause time for just one day. to digest. to feel. to record and recollect. to.. pause. but i can't. life goes on. time flies by. even my mom is getting nervous about "letting me go" in 3 days. and she hardly gets nervous! that's quite nice actually :)

i hope all goes well, all are healthy (especially my dad, please let him recover whatever his current health problems), and all have a good time.

whatever happens, happens. and i surely know what's happpening right now is wonderful!

pray for us and wish us luck!

10

i'm a bit baffled, yet amused. and overwhelmed, by work, wedding plans, expenditures, errands, as well as all the love, help and support everyone has given us. let's just try to enjoy this moment, however nerve-wracking it gets. afterall, it's a once in a lifetime experience *crossing fingers*.

in the meantime, i'll try to breathe and step back, and imagine that 2 weeks from now we'll be sipping afternoon tea (coffee for him) on the charming teba house terrace in ubud.

our BIG day in just 15 days!

invitations to our party, his take and mine :)

30!

1 month = 30-31 days.

i wonder what the horoscope for today is.

32, 13, 33

tomorrow's his 32nd birthday. 33 days away from our big day.

:)

34

and yes i'm over the moon, eventhough sometimes i think we stand on opposite sides of the planet.

3... 2... 1...

counting down... or counting up?

twenty four days left in october. i've been so busy with work and getting the stuff done, that i feel like i haven't had time to breathe, and i'm enjoying every moment.

6 days til his birthday. one other thing add to my list of things to think about. isn't my (unconditional) love for you enough of a birthday present? hee hee

41

...days to go.

i think we got things under control. finished designing/doodling invitations yesterday. approved. yay! matching passport photos done. souvenirs: halfway through?

it's been a very good weekend, i'm very blessed. had a lot of hand-holding, stolen kisses, meal-sharing, running through the rain.

hot cocoa & cups of coffees, pannacotta and walnut ice cream. singing sappy love songs, sit-com conversations and spare time for waiting.

it's been a good day (and yesterday). thank you honey.

about 2.

it's 2 am.

how will i feel in 2 months...

when i turn my head and find you sleeping beside me? and when i wake up, to discover myself entangled in 2 arms and 2 legs that are not my own? to see an extra pair of lovely eyes looking at me in the mirror?

aah, it's too late.. actually, too early in the morning to be thinking such things. i'll never know for sure 'til that time comes.

i'm content sleeping on my own, for now :) i'll surely enjoy it while it lasts!
off to bed now!