in sickness

last weekend was the first time since getting married, that i got really sick. he patiently rubs my lower back until i fall asleep. i actually sleep the whole night through. and in the morning, everything's better.

could it be... that i may have gotten sick because i can't stand to be away from him for more than one night?

;)

last first kiss

never did i think that that first kiss would be my last first kiss.

it surely was something, and now i get to have it everyday.

:)

bad is good. good is good.

i wonder what's in store for me in 2010. the end of 2009 is nearing and it's been quite a year. what happened in 2009, i'll write in some other post, some other time.

this one is about this past long-weekend. good news or bad news first?

okay, bad news.

i discovered that my myomas had grown almost twice the size since 2 years ago. when my doctor told me i needed to get an operation to take them out, although he was very reassuring that there was no need to worry too much, honestly i was shocked. i wished i had my best friend waiting outside the room. i'd never been hospitalized before, never broke a bone, let alone undergo surgery. although the myoma is a benign form of tumor and does not lead to cancer, due to its fast growth it needs to be observed. if i had gotten pregnant, most probably the myoma would grow even faster because of the higher level of estrogen. i'd have to deliver the baby by c-section instead of natural birth because the myoma may tear in the process or may block the passage of the baby coming out. but i'm not pregnant, so that's good :)

it's amazing that a simple touch of a hand can make your worries melt away. my husband was driving as i told him this piece of news while trying to hold back some tears (successfully!). while doing so, all he had to do was hold my hand and kiss it and say nothing, and i knew everything is going to be alright. it's magic!

i strongly suggest to my dear dear friends who i deeply love, to go see your obgyn, tag a girlfriend along if that makes you feel better, and get your yearly check-up.

to learn more about myomas/uterine fibroids
http://www.indianwomenshealth.com/Uterine-Fibroids-67.aspx?gclid=CMWjzKn35p4CFYowpAodFkq
http://www.uterine-fibroids.org/myoma.html

and now on to the good news.

i don't know how this happened, but all of a sudden we're buying a house! woohoo!

all logic says we're probably not ready yet, but so far, the pattern shows that when we're following our hearts, we can make it!

it's in the details

special details and very special people that made my wedding day even more extraordinary.

some of my favorite pics, taken by my best friend.

back to 1, and counting up :)

today marks our 1st month anniversary of the day we wed. it's a strange feeling.

the days seem to fly by so quickly, and i can't believe we haven't had a night apart since last month. on the other hand, it feels like we've been together for much more than one month (which seems such a short period of time), perhaps because we're so comfortable around each other, plus we traveled a lot during this time. we haven't even had time to enjoy (and clean up) our mess of our place.

i'm so thankful for today, for yesterday, and for the thought of tomorrow. i'm thankful for our families and our dear friends who seem to have bottomless buckets of love for us. i'm thankful for him, who always gives me a smile when he wakes up and before he goes to bed. this makes me feel so good, like i'm doing something right. like he's happy with life and love. like i make him happy, cos that's what i wish for, his happiness during the day, and good sleep at night.

i hope we don't drive each other (too) crazy in the future. and to know that he'll say "it will surely happen, it's only normal" calms me. haha!



ps. friends ask me how married life is, i say that you are even better as a husband :) love you.

perfect wedding?

any situation can become perfect, it's all in your head. in my case, Alhamdulillah, i had the whole universe on my side. i could sleep well the nights before, errands got done, i had my quality time with family and friends, i even had my license (and my nails) done, and managed to squeeze in a massage the day before. in the morning of the wedding, i felt at ease.

i'd say that my day was more than i ever hoped for, everything went on smoothly (apart from my dad heading to the emergency room, and mom getting diarrhea, as a result of being nervous). the weather was beautiful for a garden party even though it's rain season. the decor was just as we wished, there was food for everybody, and the guests seemed like they're having fun (at least, that's how it looked like in the pics). our friends and family who sang were lovely!

i do wish i could relive it in slow-motion, the day passed too quickly! i'm afraid i'll forget it, but i do know that he and i were 2 very happy people on this earth.

post 101

just realized that my last entry was the 100th! very interesting!

first entry as a wife

i don't know much about this world. i haven't lived enough to learn enough. sometimes, perhaps i'm too ignorant? half the time i'm not sure of what i want, what to do, where to go or even what i want to have for dinner. but a few things i know for sure, to prioritize family and health. somehow i always knew i wanted to work in the creative field, build a foundation to help kids, and somehow, i have always pictured myself starting my own little family, working part-time while raising my kids. hopefully the latter will become reality as well.

when i met you, i wasn't sure where we were going but i had a strong feeling that whatever it was, that it's a good thing. and when we got to being serious, i never had a doubt in my mind (and in my heart) that i wanted you in my life for the long-run.

and now here we are, married.

and so far it's simply wonderful. :)



ps. thank you for making my life ever more so colorful than i ever imagined it to be.

1

by this time tomorrow, i'll be married and walking down the pathway to the pelaminan. i would have gone through the vows 4 hours beforehand.

you know, i wouldn't feel so anxious if everyone hadn't reminded me countless times this past week: "are you nervous? so-and-so days/hours to go!" it's as if they're counting down for me. thank you :) but you're not helping! everytime i pray, i pray for our health, and for calmness in our hearts, so that we can sleep well tonight! Dear GOD, please fulfill this wish! so we can be fresh and fit for our big day tomorrow.

7 days ago - gathering with family in bogor, turned out to me a family "meeting" discussing the run-down of events. received the beautiful kebaya i will wear tomorrow. i'm still amazed at the bead-work.

6 - still in bogor, spending quality time with ibu-ayah, and rahma. doing crafts, storytelling to her afternoon nap.

5 - technical meeting at the roemah 7a. ayah got sick. rained hard. had to add more tents for tomorrow, anticipating rain. oh i hope it doesn't rain. but i do hope it's not going to be scorching hot either.

4 - spend the day with kakak. cleaned our room, rearranged furniture. went home and slept like a log from 4pm til 2.30am. scrubbing dusty furniture and going up and down the stairs could definitely drain you.

3 - spend most of the day at daan mogot. yup. getting our license done, so in 5 years we'll have to remind each other to renew our licenses. and perhaps renew our vows :)

2 - spend the whole day with kaknisa. started of with egg mcmuffin and coffee. manicure-pedicure, waxing, toning (hair). the shoulder massage was heaven! just what i needed to revive! went to future home to receive new fridge from kaknisa (thank youuuu!!) and new ac.

1 - massage & scrub with shinta. adis joined for lunch. it's just what i needed, some quality time with the girls. it was probably the best way to spend my last day of being single, my mind on other things rather than being anxious for tomorrow.

so.. we'll just see how tomorrow goes :)

gotta pack now! wrap a gift, make notes for my MC friend, eat dinner, double-check on stuff needed for tomorrow. and that's it!

oh but now, and gotta call ibu-ayah :)

3

why do i feel so... normal?

in 3 days i will make a vow that will change my life forever. is that a normal thing to do?

is this what i'm supposed to feel? i've always wondered in the past, about this moment. and now that it's here, it's kind of surreal, cos this is just the way it is. no big drama nor breakdown (i sure hope not!).

i've been so busy this past month that i haven't really had time to digest what's really happening. i feel really bad when i don't put on a smile on my face, when my family has so many inputs as how the ceremony should go. i mean, i know they mean well. all they want is what's best for us and our day. all i want is a simple, joyous wedding. sometimes the simplest things become so complicated when many heads are around the table. i know that these things happen, afterall, that's what families are for. but it's actually not that bad, after all, that's how they are, loud and opiniated, how they should be! in the end, our families are very, VERY supportive. i wish i could (in my lifeteime) show them what their love means to me.

the nerve-wracking thing about what's gonna happen in 3 days is, that he and i will be the center of attention. uhm. i'm not sure i'm ready for that. i'm ready for marriage but i'm not ready to be the center of attention? that's quite funny.

the thing that's been weirding me out is that family have been talking to me about sex, contraceptives, how i should rest up, stretch to get flexible, and be healthy and strong for my honeymoon. uhm. oh-kay. so wasn't ready for that.

wish i could pause time for just one day. to digest. to feel. to record and recollect. to.. pause. but i can't. life goes on. time flies by. even my mom is getting nervous about "letting me go" in 3 days. and she hardly gets nervous! that's quite nice actually :)

i hope all goes well, all are healthy (especially my dad, please let him recover whatever his current health problems), and all have a good time.

whatever happens, happens. and i surely know what's happpening right now is wonderful!

pray for us and wish us luck!

10

i'm a bit baffled, yet amused. and overwhelmed, by work, wedding plans, expenditures, errands, as well as all the love, help and support everyone has given us. let's just try to enjoy this moment, however nerve-wracking it gets. afterall, it's a once in a lifetime experience *crossing fingers*.

in the meantime, i'll try to breathe and step back, and imagine that 2 weeks from now we'll be sipping afternoon tea (coffee for him) on the charming teba house terrace in ubud.

about making up.

and i will still love you with all that i have.

and i will still love you with all that you don't have.

if i die today...

If I die today would there be anything you wish you had said to me? (via postsecret)

thank you for accepting who i am, for loving me as i love you as much.

jitters?

you know, i'm not nervous about the wedding, marriage, my choice or my decision. i'm more anxious about the change i will be facing, since i have lived in my comfort zone for a bil too long. but... that's completely normal. right?

our BIG day in just 15 days!

invitations to our party, his take and mine :)

i heart you

hearts in our days in the past. more to come, i'm sure :)

confession time!

i have a confession to make. the "true colors" entry was meant to be for my best friend. most of the time she doesn't realize how really beautiful she is. i wonder how colorful and shiny her aura is, must be spreading for thousands of miles. she has stuck with me for years and years, through thick and thin (literally, and unliterally). her kindness and sincerity leaves me speechless. i don't know what i did to ever to deserve you. love you always :)

ps. i know what i should give you on my big day, a box of tissues! you'll probably cry more than me hee hee :P

20 days!

like before every new adventure, i get butterflies in my stomach... but now i've got dragonflies, firelies and hummingbirds in there as well!

true colors are beautiful

true colors, by cyndi lauper

You with the sad eyes
don't be discouraged
oh I realize
it's hard to take courage
in a world full of people
you can lose sight of it all
and the darkness inside you
can make you fell so small

But I see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful
like a rainbow

Show me a smile then
don't be unhappy, can't remember
when I last saw you laughing
if this world makes you crazy
and you've taken all you can bear
you call me up
because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful
like a rainbow

to my ghettolicious hootchie mamas

since i couldn't give a speech on saturday night, i wish to write you all a letter. i think the (lame) reason was speechless was cos i was just overwhelmed with joy (sheesh), no really! i feel so blessed to sit there among you lovely girls, you who put together that great dinner, and such a ghettolicious night! i'm telling you, i'm still feeling some of the after-effects (sans regrets)! i hadn't had that much fun in the loooonggeessttt time!! even adis hadn't seen me dance all night like that before! i wish you had a good time, cos i surely had a blast!! i wouldn't know how to repay you! like, seriously. i'm one happy woman!! SO LUCKY to have you as my dear friends!

big smooches,
irma

ps. and thank you for the lovely gifts!!!

30!

1 month = 30-31 days.

i wonder what the horoscope for today is.

yesterday

yesterday was a good day.

my guy got the best birthday present he could ever ask for; he got to visit a brand new nephew who was born the previous day.

and on his birthday, he gave me the best present i've ever gotten from him, 2 love letters :)

*smiling ear to ear*

i usually feel like i'm the luckiest girl alive, but i just feel so overwhelmingly blessed these days, that no present seems good enough (for him). i know my present was a lame one, so lame i won't share it here, and i don't know what can top his present to me. for all it's worth, i pray for his happiness and well-being everyday. i want to make him happy. i just want to make him happy.

i hope i can. i surely will try my best.

he calls me wife

prematurely. but i'm loving the sound of it.

art by clemente.

32, 13, 33

tomorrow's his 32nd birthday. 33 days away from our big day.

:)

34

and yes i'm over the moon, eventhough sometimes i think we stand on opposite sides of the planet.

growing anxious!

nothing moves, nurtures, and expands the soul like watching something else grow. ~j.mraz

but, i'm also growing excitement berries and a happiness tree, and leaving plenty of room for them to grow.

:P

red

i even love your red socks.

urgh, i'm so hopeless.

wish you were here

dear nenek,

i suddenly extremely miss you, almost to the point where i can feel my heart breaking. he tells me that you’re here with me, but you’re not, which makes it hurt even more. and to pray for you makes it hard for me to breathe. so, i thought this would be easier.

i've been pretty busy, doing overtime at work, getting stuff done for my wedding. so many things to do; i think the trick is just to prioritize and manage the time carefully between trying to take care of those errands and making sure i spend as much time as i can with the family. thankfully, it's not as stressful as i hear from other peoples' experiences. thankfully, ibu & ayah, and the whole family, and his whole family have been so helpful and supportive. thankfully, our friends have been so excited about our relationship and the wedding. thankfully, he is proving to be such a great partner. i don't know how i'll ever be able to repay them for their love.

we finished the design of our invitations, i think you'd like his design better, he drew it all by hand. my classic-cut kebaya is being sewn, the rings are ready to be picked up. i wonder what item of yours i can wear that day, may i borrow a pair of your gold earrings? most of the things are pretty much halfway taken care of with a few surprises up my sleeve. :)

today was a very good day. it started with a hearty breakfast and refillable coffee, good weather, and 2 excited hearts filled with hope. we took care of our to-be-wed papers! everything went along smoothly, and the penghulu seems like a genuinely nice man.

rain season is starting, hopefully that weekend won't be a wet one for us. if it does rain, hopefully everyone will have fun anyway :) perhaps we'll all sing, dance and let loose as if we're in the shower.

i wish you could be there on our happy day, but i can already hear Him saying "she'll be there, i promise".

love you 'nek, i miss you so much,
irma

3... 2... 1...

counting down... or counting up?

twenty four days left in october. i've been so busy with work and getting the stuff done, that i feel like i haven't had time to breathe, and i'm enjoying every moment.

6 days til his birthday. one other thing add to my list of things to think about. isn't my (unconditional) love for you enough of a birthday present? hee hee

mind vs. heart

the right thing to do vs. the wild thing to do.

the right thing to do vs. the right thing to do in my mind.

the right thing to do vs. the right thing to do according to who?


do you believe in karma?

41

...days to go.

i think we got things under control. finished designing/doodling invitations yesterday. approved. yay! matching passport photos done. souvenirs: halfway through?

it's been a very good weekend, i'm very blessed. had a lot of hand-holding, stolen kisses, meal-sharing, running through the rain.

hot cocoa & cups of coffees, pannacotta and walnut ice cream. singing sappy love songs, sit-com conversations and spare time for waiting.

it's been a good day (and yesterday). thank you honey.

for tonight...

i'm deeply saddened by all these terrible earthquakes happening around indonesia, and most recently in West Sumatra.

i want to send positive vibes and pray to those affected, i hope that they will have family and friends to hug and hold when they need comfort, shelter to rest, food to fill their stomachs, keep their energy levels up and their immune systems strong. i pray for people to stick together, lots of hearts to be touched to act and lend a hand. for help to quickly get to their destinations. for positive energy to win over the negative. i wish for the victims to have some peace in their hearts, at least to be able to sleep a little tonight. i wish for them to have all the strength and courage of the world. i wish we could all do a little something to make this situation better for them.

amin.

"ooh pretty!"

i must admit, i loved the tiffany & co experience. i've browsed around their website. pretended to be holly golightly while walking past the store, even imagined their solitaire ring on my finger. i swear, i don't know what it is about girls and sparkly shiny jewelry.

i don't think i've pointed and said "ooh pretty!" so many times in one store. it's ridiculous how a silver cupcake charm can cost as much as a fridge, but i still want one.

something special happened today. he has purchased what would be the gift for me for our wedding. i think it's very special because it's the perfect concept for the occasion: it's two interlocking circles as a pendant. it also reminded him of how his dad wore his wedding ring, around his neck.

and it's my very first tiffany item :)

'kan ku...

iringi hidupku dengan nada dentuman jantungmu.

the perfect things you say

do you think we're accidentally in love? the song's playing on the radio.

well, it might simply be fate :D

*blushing*

somehow...

it feels like this is just how it's supposed to be.

love you always, i promise.

10

10 things i love about you, in no particular order:

10. your smile. even when you're tired as hell, you try to smile. when i'm feeling sad, you smile for me, wishing it contagious. and when you're full after a good meal, that's the best smile ever. also after we kiss, that smile's wonderful. and when we say hello, even when we say goodbye, and... and...

9. your eyes. yea, that's what they all say. but, there's something about them that i still can't quite figure out. most times they express everything, some times not at all. but it's okay, i love a good mystery to solve.

8. i love it when you finish my food for me.

7. i love it when you lean your head on my shoulder, and you make it fit perfectly. although your bum rests on the other side of the seat cos you're so tall.

6. your look. THE look. when you look at me and it just says it all. you say i love you all over, without saying a single word.

5. when you're excited about something, you walk extra boink-y.

4. are we at 4 already? i love your curly hair. it's really black, and.. curly. i love that you love it. i love that it makes you distinct. especially combined with your boink-y walk. you're very easy to describe, and spot in a crowd.

3. i love that you accept everything about yourself. now that's really something. i love that you accept your past, your present, and i love what you want (and will) do in the future. and that's live the best you can. and i want to be a part of that.

2. i love it when you hum. hum songs i don't even recognize. hum anything.

1. i love 10 gazillion other things about you that haven't been mentioned here and that i have yet to find out about you.

oh i just came up with another one, i love that we learn together, about one another, about ourselves, about life. i think that's really important. but.. it sounds so boring. but i'm boring, so what. haha!

about 2.

it's 2 am.

how will i feel in 2 months...

when i turn my head and find you sleeping beside me? and when i wake up, to discover myself entangled in 2 arms and 2 legs that are not my own? to see an extra pair of lovely eyes looking at me in the mirror?

aah, it's too late.. actually, too early in the morning to be thinking such things. i'll never know for sure 'til that time comes.

i'm content sleeping on my own, for now :) i'll surely enjoy it while it lasts!
off to bed now!

about giving

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get--only with what you are expecting to give--which is everything."
~ Katharine Hepburn

song found

yes. i think i've found our song. or at least, this one sort of speaks about us. no such thing as coincidence :P

My one and only love, by sting

The very thought of you makes
My heart sing
Like an April breeze
On the wings of spring
And you appear in all your splendor
My one and only love

The shadows fall
And spread their mystic charms
In the hush of night
While you're in my arms
I feel your lips so warm and tender
My one and only love

The touch of your hand is like heaven
A heaven that I've never known
The blush on your cheek
Whenever I speak
Tells me that you are my own

You fill my eager heart with
Such desire
Every kiss you give
Sets my soul on fire
I give myself in sweet surrender
My one and only love

The blush on your cheek
Whenever I speak
Tells me that you are my own
You fill my eager heart with
Such desire
Every kiss you give
Sets my soul on fire
I give myself in sweet surrender
My one and only love

My one and only love


ps. kiss

last month

around this time, 4 fridays ago, my grandmother took her last breaths. although it's bright and sunny out, i feel a cloud hovering over my head. i can't help that i'm deeply saddened. it's going to be.. different (for lack of words) this year, coming home from the morning ied prayers and not see her wait for our arrival on our front porch.

:_(

but, to end this on a positive note, last year was the most memorable ied morning ever. the sun was warm, we had laughs over breakfast, took family photographs, it was picture perfect. and this year she'll be here only in spirit. i hope (and i'm certain) that she's in a better place now, feeling at peace and content. i will try to throw my sadness away and learn to be happy for her.



ps. i love you and miss you very much. i'm so sorry if i ever hurt you or wasn't a good grandchild to you. i'm so sorry.

my lovely pretty sister

surely i'm gonna miss living with her.

love you.

3 ways

3 ways i wear my new, simple, dark magenta hair band.

sweet spring

last weekend's (quick) craft session

inspired by oncewed.com's DIY on bridesmaids' headbands and www.shopbando.com, i tried to make some myself. not bad for a first try. i'm inspired to make some more as gifts for the special women in my life.

a song for you

songbird - eva cassidy

For you there'll be no crying
For you the sun will be shining
‘Cause I feel that when I'm with you
It's alright, I know it's right

And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before

To you, I would give the world
To you, I'd never be cold
‘Cause I feel that when I'm with you
It's alright, I know it's right

And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before

Like never before; like never before.


ps. i love you, like never before

deciding on a place

tips/how-to:

1. research online, get as much info as possible, from photos to phone numbers. read comments on forums. ask your friends, they may have good ideas or connections.
2. call the prospective places up. ask for prices of special packages to get a price range.
3. pay attention to the person dealing with you. if he/she isn't responsive, quick/efficient, helpful or friendly, it's a good chance you'll have a hard time dealing with them afterwards.
4. be open. you may think this is a waste of time, but consider venues that may not be your initial plan.
5. narrow down your choices. especially if you're concerned about cost.
6. if you have a busy partner, you can start checking out the options solo, better yet, take your best friend along for venue options #3 or #4, etc. at least you would have saved time to decide if you liked those venues or not. do #1 and #2 with your partner.
7. when walking into the venue, pay attention to the general cleanliness, service, where the toilets are located, parking space. pay attention to the feeling you get when you arrive.
8. take photographs. this always helps to help you decide later on. if you need to, show them to your parents or closest friends. listen to their input.
9. visit the venue during the approximate time you plan on having the party. this is to get a real sense of how it's going to feel and look like during your special day.
10. listen to your gut feeling. if you're lucky like us, we knew right away that the venue that we walked into was THE venue for our big day. and if you're lucky like us, the price range fit within our budget.


ii

for inspiration (2)

quickly fell in love with this one :)

http://sone-van-zyl.blogspot.com/


ps. we're one day away from 2 months away from D-day! if you asked me how i felt, i'm not sure i'd have a clear answer.. hee hee :P

for inspiration

deciding what kind of wedding you want to have is quite confusing and overwhelming, especially if you've over-researched on the internet.

a few of sites that i've stumbled upon (my bestie is very helpful!) these past couple of months that have become my favorites for inspiration.

www.swsmag.net

www.greenweddingshoes.blogspot.com


great inspiration for DIY projects for your wedding, on:
www.oncewed.com

and of course, must get free patterns/how-to's from the queen herself:
http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/



this weekend i plan to make some corsages or headband like from here:
http://www.oncewed.com/10483/diy-wedding/once-wed/diy-bridesmaids-headband/

surely certain

we're quickly approaching the 2 month mark to our big day, and i've never been more sure (and nervous, giddy, happy, excited, calm, anxious, safe) about our decision.

i don't know why i love you so much. it's alright, let it be a mystery. i've a lifetime to solve it.

i don't know how we'll survive, when 50% of all marriages end in divorce. i know it's not going to be an easy walk in the park, but i have faith we'll get through somehow.

i don't even have a special nickname for you. how would it sound in your ear, how would it spell on my skin? as we speak, they're etching your name on my ring. you are in my heart, does it matter which name i call you? soon you are to be my husband.

as for the wedding, i know i've said that it wouldn't matter where or how we have it. that's not exactly the whole truth. i'm so happy and thankful that we have similar ideas of what our ideal wedding would be. although we still have tons to do, it's slowly becoming reality.

our story is unfolding, history's in the making.


love you today, tomorrow, and the day after, and so on,
ii

love u (too)

last week, after a long day of meetings, he handed me a paper drinking-glass cover. i turned it over and there we were. i couldn't have asked for a sweeter gift.

bisous,
ii

what's in a number?

1+1=2
1+1=1
sometimes 1+1=3 or 4 or 5.

13gr divided by 2 is 6.5. 6+5=11.
6 sept (09), 6+9=15.
2009=2+9=11
1+1=2

11+15=26, 2+6=8
1+1+1+5=8
1+1+1+5+2+0+0+9=19, 1+9=10
1+0=1

love you infinitely,
ii


ps. somehow all the numbers add up :)

undeniable (feeling of) loss

my grandmother died last friday. her funeral was like a family reunion one day before the start of the holy month of ramadhan. i know i'm being selfish when i find myself crying and missing her, cos i know she's much happier and at peace where she is now.

on a lighter note, more of my family got to meet my fiancé :)


ps. nenek, thank you so much for everything, i sometimes think that i'm one of your favorites ;)

UP

last saturday was our 3-months-approaching-D-day-day..

had afternoon coffee, admired our doodles, and ended up watching UP (haha.. finally) with the first 20 minutes or so being my favorite part of the movie :_)

he then bought a dvd player for our future home... yay!

all in all, it had all the ingredients of a special day :)

impatient

ps. i can't wait to experience the husband you'll become. in the meantime...

woohoo!

approaching 3 month mark.

more or less 90 days to getting hitched is not a lot of time! wow! i'm all jitters. good jitters... no, wonderful jitters! i'm actually speechless.


ps. i love it when i can hardly hear you say i love you. instead i get a clear, close-up visual, right before you give me a kiss that sends me straight to the moon.

about... fidelity

nothing's worth the risk of ruining what i feel and think we have.



pic from http://pelfusion.com/inspiration/60-stunning-pictures-and-photos/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jeffffd/387375486/

relaxing weekend for 4

after a relaxing weekend with the girls (containing pigging out, sleeping, more pigging out, dipping in the pool, foot and face massages.. and shopping!), all i want is some more of that!


ps. thank you adis, anas and mel! you are all i could ever hoped for and more!
and honay, i want a whirlpool in our bathroom, and a trampoline for my birthday :)

shapes of rain

it drizzled on our first new year's eve, when you twirled me and we danced and kissed on the stroke of midnight. it poured hard as we ran to the safety of our little sanctuary, that warm evening in our first april. the rain couldn't resist kissing us goodbye on the sixth day in our second april.

somehow i have an inkling that it'll rain on our wedding day.

and i wouldn't mind at all :)

certainly uncertain.

it's not clear when our first real date was -if we ever had one, we don't know when we officially got together, i'm not sure when i started to fall for you, we certainly don't remember who said i love you first, but i surely remember our first kiss... and our second, and third.

just thinking about it gets me all tingly :)




ps. sorry for almost hitting your nose with my shoulder tonight, it tickles when you kiss me there. (i love it!)

after last night

my heart is screaming by now!

:)

listen

recently i've gotten numerous emails and links regarding "how to find your soul mate", "what is a soul mate", "how do you know he is THE one?", etc. not that i have anything against them, they do give good tips on how to anticipate the right person coming along.

my dear friend wondered how it would feel, if it would feel like you've finally found home, if you'd feel no doubt, if it would be like in the movies.

i told her: reading too much of those emails give me a big headache. too many theories! i think we'll eventually know in our hearts when we finally decide on making him "the one"...

and yes, i realized then that i used "decide on making...", because that's exactly what it is. "the one" doesn't just happen.

for me, it just feels.. right. no fireworks, no drama, no fantasy scenario like in the movies. it feels different than before, it's more subtle, and i quite like it. i'm actually not wondering "what if" this or that. i just think i can face the future together with him, i'm actually not scared. it's about finding that person who will work on the relationship as hard as you will. knowing and trusting that they will commit to do so feels reassuring. i feel safe.

i don't know what the future holds for us, but since 2 years ago, when i listened (carefully) to my heart, it whispered his name. and now, this whisper has grown stronger by the day.

let it rain down on me

anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.

-anonymous




ps. i got rained on last night, and i giggled all the way home.
i think anyone should do it any chance they get. thank you God for the sun, rain and all the sparkling stars above.

art by a. fientje

some questions answered.. for now

Question:

“What does it take to sustain a happy and successful relationship or marriage?”



http://goop.com/newsletter/43/en/



ps. thanks adis!

roses, dahlias and peonies

me like! a great project for a slow sunday afternoon.

if that doesnt work out, be sure you have a crafty bestie to make one for you :)



for the pattern:

http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/article/fabric-garden-rose-and-peony-how-to

0717

let us pray, smile, live, love #indonesiaunite #sixwords

about sunsets

frankly, i'd rather watch you watch the gorgeous sunset...

seriously...

i miss you. no kidding.

I love you till the end

I just want to see you
When you're all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I can't escape
I love you till the end

I just want to tell you nothing
You don't want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Why don't you just take me
Where I've never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I love you till the end

I just want to be there
When we're caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on its cloak
I'm lost for words don't tell me
All I can say
I love you till the end



by the pogues. from ps. i love you.



i love it when simple words can give me goose bumps.

tu me manque

write... i miss reading your writing.

what should i write?

anything. about nothing and everything.

you said it had to come from the heart. if you haven't written in a while, has your heart been empty?




i'd like to think it's because you're just too caught up in the moment.

about sharing. 2.

have we shared the sight of a rainbow? or even a sunset?

i know we've shared plenty of starry nights and full moons.

about colours

hey, you know what's funny? we first talked about getting serious at magenta (restaurant), and now it seems we're gonna have somewhat a magenta theme, even though we didn't initially choose to..

it's called premonition :)

about time

*a conversation over ym that took place yesterday around 5pm.*

i can't believe it's already july!
it's been more than 2 years, and i can't really name specific incidents...
we don't even jot down important dates...
either we're getting old and lazy...
or what...
well, it's okay.... as long as we enjoy it...
but i bet when we get older, we'd like to remember stuff and dates and years and happenings in between...
before you know it, we'll be 60 and we're like whaaatt?? what happened? you know what i mean?

*making notes: april 12: bogor, may 10: pancoran, june 21: families meet...*

we don't even know when we got together...
we don't even remember when we decided to get serious...
i know it was during dinner at magenta, and it was during ramadhan, i think.. a couple of weeks before ied...
everything's almost a blur...

but it means we really take pleasure in everything, we don't know which is more important, because everything's important

we get so carried away that we don't remember... haha.. we forget to write history,... our story

uhm...

just found out yesterday he wants to put action figures in our future living space.

.............



*sigh*

Connection questionable.

What connects us, really? What draws us together? What initially attracted us to one another? When I think about it too much, I can’t come up with much. But really, sometimes I wonder. Some couples dive together, others connect through their passion for words, or art, or sports…

There’s not much sense nor reason to dwell into it. Just a waste of time. Sometimes things just happen, the universe conspires for 2 people to come together. Okay, I get it. But really…

I must remember that just the other day, I heard myself reiterate words to a dear friend of mine who was having the same thoughts as me. “Don’t think about it too much, love works in funny ways”. Most of the time you cannot pinpoint to exactly why 2 people mutually unite, that’s the beauty of it. Most times people hook up because they need to learn something from each other. The question is: how do you commit to keep on learning and growing from one another, together?

I’ve yet many things to learn from you, and one of the things you continually teach me is to remember about the wonders of time and patience, and I love you for that.

sometimes...

particularly yesterday morning, as i was sitting pretty, waiting at the KUA, i caught a glimpse of the ruang nikah. just then i wished things were much more practical. we could just elope and get married there. just straight-forward, get down to the point. somehow i think it's very romantic.

then again, what do i have to complain about? things are already pretty simple and lucky.

but for now...

for today, let's just enjoy the sunrise.

let tomorrow arrive when the time comes.

dreaming about tomorrow...

but does tomorrow dream of me?

my moon my man

My moon, my man's a changeable land
Such a lovable land to me
My care, my co-lead barber I know
There's nowhere to go but on

How honestly my beggar should be
The song's out of key again
My fools, my things
We're digging the things
If the candlelit page again

Take it slow
Take it easy on me
Shed some light
Shed some light on things
Take it slow
Take it easy on me
Shed some light
Shed some light on things

My moon and me
Not skirty swift bean
It's the dirtiest clean I know
My care, my co-lead barber I know
There's nowhere to go
There's nowhere to go

Take it slow
Take it easy on me
Shed some light
Shed some light on things
Take it slow
Take it easy on me
Shed some light
Shed some light on it please

My moon
The moon my man
My moon
The moon my man...


by feist.



yesterday was my birthday and this is the song repeatedly playing in my ears and on my mind.

yesterday was the last birthday being single, i wanted it to be special, but i ended up grumpy and working, luckily with my honey by my side.

yesterday was full of birthday wishes and hugs and kisses, romantic match-lit fried-duck dinner, rich mini chocolate cupcakes, and cold wine given by a good friend.

at the end of the day, the day is good, and i haven't yet finished counting my blessings.

found treasure!

a doodle he did in my purple book about 2 years and a few months ago..

exercising discipline, no excuses.

last night i woke up at 2:30 am and couldn't fall back to sleep, which is odd. i've lavender oil on my skin, counted my blessings, daydreamed about the future, and it still didn't work. i must've been up for at least an hour or so. this morning i awoke again at 7 am thinking i could nap for another 30 minutes, but i should really get my morning walk. that's what i think almost every morning, and usually, successfully fall back to sleep with all the excuses: i had a late night last night, my body needs its rest, etc. etc. blah. blah.

and then i got up. took my brisk walk. jogged a bit. did lunges and stretches. and i feel great. i always feel great afterwards. i feel lighter, more flexible, my skin feels like it's breathing. i thought to myself, i should remember this. every morning, i should remember that feeling of health, feeling of accomplishment, even if it's only a small one, but to me, disciplining myself is a big deal. me, who hasn't finished that knitted shawl, me, who hasn't started swimming class, me, who only tastes a bit of everything and never can quite finish what she started.

i gotta remember to start small. do it everyday. stick to it. no excuses.
and i'm doing this because i love myself, i want to try to live a somewhat healthy life.

i may cut down on my sugar intake, but if i crave that strawberry shortcake today, i'll allow myself to have some... and share a piece of sweetness with a friend.




"change the way you look at things and things you look at change."

said by dr. wayne w. dyer on the ellen show, author of excuses be gone.

you and i, today

most times i think you've let me in. some times i feel like the wall you put up will never crumble, no matter how tall or small.

most times i feel like i want you all to myself. some times i feel that i should set you free to be as alive as you want to be.

all i know is that i have faith in you. all i know is that i love you.
i love me too, so you better tell me if you have any doubts at all, about us.

i'm writing this as we are chatting about saving to buy a house, which is ironic. but the reality is, people change, or change their minds.

being realistic and level-headed ruins all thoughts of feeling high on love, which is the state i'm in. i sometimes think this is too good to be true, but why not? i know we deserve this. i think we're both mature enough to know that things aren't always going to be fun and good times, but it's all okay.

if our intentions are good, things will go our way.

yesterday afternoon

"your limitations are your virtue."

by max kisman.

(or something like that. that doesn't only apply to design, but also to life.)

quote from last night

"you are the best decision i've ever made..."

adult mike o'donnell/matthew perry in 17 again.

a letter

I wish I had met you. If I had the chance, I would thank you for raising your son to be the man he is today. The man who is soon to be my husband. The man I will promise to love and share my life with, to have him live the fullest life he wants to live.

I wish I had the chance to get to know you, then I would find out who he got his deep eyes from, his genuine smile, his characteristic walk from. I would figure out all the traits and habits he inherited from you. His love and curiosity for life, his thirst for knowledge, his big heart of giving.

I wish you were here, so he could feel this once in a lifetime experience with you. To share this chapter of his story, together with you. I know you are present with him and are forever in his heart, and I know this is just wishful thinking, still… from the deepest place in my heart, I wish you were here.


Love,
irma

oops.

Do you ever think that your voice sounds different when recorded? Or when you hear yourself singing on the mic at your birthday karaoke? Or when you hear yourself talk in the latest family gathering video?

After over 2 years of dating, I failed to recognize his voice over the phone last night. Well, we never had that kind of relationship anyway, we're not the kind of couple that chats on the phone for hours on end. But not recognizing him is a bit of a surprise.

Sorry honey! I'm anticipating lot's of surprises to come!

a little prayer, a big wish

Dear God, may both souls grow stronger together, may we become your instruments for goodness and please use this relationship that together we might know joy.

by Marianne Williamson

time after time

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
and think of you
caught up in circles confusion--
is nothing new
Flashback--warm nights--
almost left behind
suitcases of memories,
time after--

sometimes you picture me--
I'm walking too far ahead
you're calling to me, I can't hear
what you've said--
Then you say--go slow--
I fall behind--
the second hand unwinds

chorus:
if you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time

after my picture fades and darkness has
turned to gray
watching through windows--you're wondering
if I'm OK
secrets stolen from deep inside
the drum beats out of time--

chorus:
if you're lost...

you said go slow--
I fall behind
the second hand unwinds--

chorus:
if you're lost...
...time after time
time after time
time after time
time after time

by cyndi lauper


he loves this song. i love this song. whenever i hear it i get goose bumps. i want this song played acoustically at our wedding.

mid-year already?

it's june 1st. it seems like it was just yesterday when we spent the new year with our dearest friends at tornado. it seems just yesterday that we had ice cream at gelato bar, just the two of us, 2 and a half years ago. i bet the upcoming 5 months will pass by in a flash, although i feel like i want to rush the preparations and just want to get things done ASAP, i will try to remember to pause, everyday, for to enjoy the moment.

a walk with him

i love that i have a photograph of me walking with mom, and a separate one walking with my dad. in a way, my mom is still in this one, represented by my red coat. :)



note: i couldn't open the frame to properly scan the photo cos it's old and stuck, hence the scanned frame.

she likes red.

what a pleasant surprise at the wee hours of yesterday!
found this picture of my mom and i. i think this was taken outside of loblaw's after a bit of grocery shopping. now that i think of it, even if she wasn't wearing her red floral dress, her red kerchief to tie her hair back, or bringing her red umbrella along before it rained, she'd be wearing red lipstick. even now, at the age of 64, she still puts her red lipstick on at home.

16 and counting...

this morning my sister told me that she had woken up in the middle of the night and couldn't fall back to sleep, so she decided to count the number of houses/apartments she has lived in for the past 38 years of her life.

i started counting as well, and the magic number is 16!!! 16 in 31 years!

16 and counting :)

do you believe in love at first sight?

i'm not sure i do, but when i met him eight years ago i felt something i wasn't sure of.. but there certainly was something.

about sharing

sometimes i'm afraid if we only share the important stuff without the mundane, we'll lose communication, and each other. because, life's about everything and nothing and all the things in between.

weekend

it was spent with the family, in bogor. kept on procrastinating work. kept on thinking, enjoy your time with family. enjoy being in the present. the present of food and sleep :)

it was special. progress on the preparations. along with my 4 lovely (and very chatty) aunts, spent friday munching on street food. i somehow became a witness at court. and by midday ended up trying on a dozen or so kebayas. they all voted on one pretty, soft and feminine number in taupe/nude color. one of my aunts also decided on buying me the light golden fabric for the evening kebaya. thank you!! my other aunt will sew it for me. and they will lend me my grandmother's antique brooches for the big day. i feel so loved.

something else happened this weekend. my 4 year old niece decided to give herself one edgy haircut. it took her 3 years to grow it and 5 seconds to snip it. well, half of it. she was happy that she had both long and short hair :)

half past midnight

i'm excited about the wedding, but oddly enough, not overly. people say "enjoy this part, enjoy fantasizing"... oddly enough, i've been too realistic, but never pessimistic. sometimes i feel like i'm raining on my own parade. perhaps it's because i'm not (as?) naive anymore, perhaps because i feel more mature, perhaps it's because i'm lucky enough to have gone through my life so far, him as well, and we both have come to our decision, so naturally. that part is really nice. it's not all about the wedding, it's about the marriage.

i'm excited about the unknown. the good, even the bad, the things that will be unveiled, the obstacles we'll have to overcome together, the events and disagreements that will shape our character. i realize it's not all fun and games, although we can try to make it to be. i realize it's going to take lots of hard work, compromise, even sacrifice. more trust and more faith. i'm thankful that marriage will be part of my learning experience in this lifetime.

sometimes it shines, sometimes it rains. then a rainbow after the rain.

there's always hope and laughter at the end of it :)

you are mine only

by sammy stein "sans titre" 2008

saturday wander

spent the saturday wandering around with my guy, taking the bus around the city (scenic tour at minimal cost), eating lunch at Gambir train station (refrained ourselves from taking a random trip somewhere), checked out last day's "ligne à ligne" exhibition at Galeri Nasional, which was mind-tickling. i loved watching him observe the installations and i can almost see his thoughts trickling upwards like ants marching... had coffee at the museum's cafe while we talked as he held my hand. i secretly took snapshots of him in my mind.

ended the day with buying canvasas for our personal projects. it was surely a beautiful saturday... with lovely weather!

my favorite wedding photograph

my parents on their wedding day, almost 41 years ago.