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why do i feel so... normal?

in 3 days i will make a vow that will change my life forever. is that a normal thing to do?

is this what i'm supposed to feel? i've always wondered in the past, about this moment. and now that it's here, it's kind of surreal, cos this is just the way it is. no big drama nor breakdown (i sure hope not!).

i've been so busy this past month that i haven't really had time to digest what's really happening. i feel really bad when i don't put on a smile on my face, when my family has so many inputs as how the ceremony should go. i mean, i know they mean well. all they want is what's best for us and our day. all i want is a simple, joyous wedding. sometimes the simplest things become so complicated when many heads are around the table. i know that these things happen, afterall, that's what families are for. but it's actually not that bad, after all, that's how they are, loud and opiniated, how they should be! in the end, our families are very, VERY supportive. i wish i could (in my lifeteime) show them what their love means to me.

the nerve-wracking thing about what's gonna happen in 3 days is, that he and i will be the center of attention. uhm. i'm not sure i'm ready for that. i'm ready for marriage but i'm not ready to be the center of attention? that's quite funny.

the thing that's been weirding me out is that family have been talking to me about sex, contraceptives, how i should rest up, stretch to get flexible, and be healthy and strong for my honeymoon. uhm. oh-kay. so wasn't ready for that.

wish i could pause time for just one day. to digest. to feel. to record and recollect. to.. pause. but i can't. life goes on. time flies by. even my mom is getting nervous about "letting me go" in 3 days. and she hardly gets nervous! that's quite nice actually :)

i hope all goes well, all are healthy (especially my dad, please let him recover whatever his current health problems), and all have a good time.

whatever happens, happens. and i surely know what's happpening right now is wonderful!

pray for us and wish us luck!